Diminishing Trust

Week in week out, things were going relatively OK with Ashley and Dave. They were both behaving themselves in what they were saying. I had reduced my time with Dave down to once a week, considering the circumstances I found this vital as we were getting on a lot better.
Ashley had learnt to keep calm about what he allowed to fly out of his mouth so things were going fine.
I had joined a new profile website that was proving to be a bit of a hit with me, I had met a couple of guys from there but nothing worth shouting from the rooftops about. One guy did stand out for a second which was purely down to his aesthetic, that is until I compared facial features, his nose was different in each picture. we had had conversations through chat rooms and private chat rooms, no camera action or meet though and now there was never going to be. If the guy cannot send me a genuine picture then how will I know which one is ever going to be him and if he is worth meeting.
I had had quite a busy week at work as I was up for promotion, I had been longing for it for a while and considering the staff turnover of late I felt that I had aquired enough skills for the role as well as shown that I could do the job blindfolded.
I had my trial shifts within the role so that my manager could see how I adapted to the it, he liked my ideas and liked the way I was running things as well as how the other staff had accepted me in the role so far. After four years, I finally felt as though I was on that metaphorical ladder.
Everything was a first, I had been given tasks that were not part of my previous role which I accepted and I felt I took on with confidence and was then greeted with some inspiring recognition. I dealt with things on my own iniative which had become a bit of a rare thing in my previous role so now I was running with it. My manager had told me that in order to be a good manager I need to be confident in taking risks which I found fine but at the end of that day as he was leaving, he turned and said

"If you are stuck with anything, make sure you call me"

I paused...did he not already tell me to take risks? I did not think too much into it and carried on logging the deliveries for the day. So far this week I had been logging data for deliveries and controlling stock, making phone calls right, left and centre. I had dealt with everything and had some very good, and helpful feedback such as which parts I could improve and there were not that many.

The end of the week came and Ashley had agreed to 'treat' ourselves with a weekend in Manchester. The hotel was very nice, a clear, clean lobby and everywhere smelt like a hint of oranges. Our room was like an apartment; very spacious with a nice view of the city, including the infamous Canal Street.

We went for food at this mediterranean restaurant where we sopke on life and what we intend to do with it, I said what I would like to do with mine, both realistically and what I had dreamed for the past 13 years. Ashley then spoke more on the 'lying on a beach somewhere' dream and told me he had wanted to move to Thailand. I looked up in shock. Ashley?! Culture?! surely not? He was the son of a butcher after all... or at least that is what I was told. However he was the gay son of a butcher so I doubt that would have been what a small town butcher would have wanted. Ashley looked at me and said

"Things have changed now that I have met you...unless you want to come with me?"

After the drinks we then for drinks down Canal Street. We walked into this bar and there were hot men everywhere, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I had no idea where to look! Especially with Ashley stood next to me, however he seemed irrelevant at this point. Screw his lies and fairy tales Thailand, which were probably all a load of rubbish, I needed a man!

We sat down on the stripy sofa underneath one of many of the dim lit chandaliers. We sat talking about our relationship...I did not really care about nonsense at this point, I wanted a whole lot of nonsense with someone else in the mens room right this minute... but Ashley was still talking.

"Are you listening?"

He yelped

"Of course"

I cried

"so how about coming to Thailand with me?"

"Oh, I'm sure you don't want me tagging along on your little expedition. You probably have a wife chained to the kitchen or some twink locked in your basement who you would rather take"

I figured a joke may make prompt him to ease off.

"no, not at all"

he pleaded. Pushing my luck, I said

"is it both? She hasnt been able to leave to kitchen since the 1950's so she wouldnt know about the twink in the basement"

He got the joke. So he attempted a joke of his own...

"why don't you come and replace both of them?"

"Oh you don't want me, you're too perverted for that, once I show any sign of aging you will be on to the next young boy that minces past"

as the words left my mouth, I realised that it didnt feel as though I was exaggerating Ashley was older, which I had no issue with but I was aware of how he liked his younger men. By comparison I was probably the most mature and that is why he thought he could spin the lies on me so easily because I act a certain way but still have the mind and outlook of a 26 year old. He could not have been more wrong. I was onto him and this stupidly ridiculous life he was trying to sell so as he started talking about private jets and keeping me in nice clothes and well looked after, I said...

"Losingmymind69"

"What?!"

he said, looking at me as if I was insane.

"That was you on that profile site! You played that song in the car and then set up a profile to try and catch me with those pictures with the dodgy nose! It's hardly sublte!"

 

"What?! why would I do that when have you?"

"but you don't have me! Execpt in the same way you have everyone else"

I downed my drink and left, I had no idea what I was doing, would I find another hotel? I found I had the other key to the hotel and made my way back.
I could hear Ashley calling me, it was so embarrassing but if I turn around now, he will think he has got me wrapped around his little finger.
Back in the hotel room, I figured I may as well go the full length and sit in the dark. It was far too dramatic but I was enjoying the way it had turned around...even if it was childish.
Ashley came in slightly out of breath

"what the bloody hell are you doing?! Are ou trying to give me a heart attack?! I couldnt see you through people out there!"

"Who do you think you are trying to trap me? You give me your shitty little lines, pretending it's some Home and Away episode, set up a very bad profile and then feed me some crap about private jets! I am not THAT kind of person!"

Ashley looked straight at me.


"I know, I'm sorry. I want you so much and I want you to want me so I wanted to see how to get that"


I had no way of reasoning, the guy was never going to stop lying.

"well..., if that is really what you are trying to do then you are going the wrong way about it completely because I am having trouble believing you and you just will not let up. You give me your crap and have been for quite some time now and I have already spoken with you about it and it has not stopped. I don't want some one who has nothing better to do than bang on about irrelevant things such as private jets...it doesnt interest me!"

Ashley started going on about how I knew nothing about his life, it was completely irrelevant to what we were originally talking about, maybe he wanted to go off topic? Maybe he wanted to turn the arguement around so I was somehow to blame? I had however been pleadeing with this guy for months to stop making everything heavier than what it was and it was not sinking in. I should have by now ended it...whatever IT was.

The following morning we woke, we went for a walk, had breakfast together went for lunch and also managed to fit some bedtime in between. It was as though last night had never happened, maybe we needed to let of some steam or maybe we were both just trying to forget it had happened.

It was a nice weekend despite the arguement. Ashley did promise to never try and trap me with fake profiles again, but I always made sure I analysised every picture that was send to me.