With my relationship with Ashley clear, we could surely just get on with things?
Ashley would still not let up and I was fearing it was starting to have an effect on whatever our relationship was. I had feelings for him yes, he had been a constant rock so far for me what with the Dave saga and the health scare, despite being quick to write it off as good news without being given the 'all clear', but then I had stronger feelings for Dave... nothing is ever simple, apart from remaining single, that works for everyone everytime but not the emotionally weak.
So a month had passed and I had had enough of spending time with Ashley and hearing his stupid lines over and over again, however I had become better at not snapping, I had figured that if I did not give a reaction then it will fade away. I was wrong, the guy needed me to be his fool, believe what he said but I could not bring myself to think that way, there was respect there but that was fading with the blatant intentions behind his lies.
Dave had returned home all "golden and bitten", I was so excited about seeing him, I was counting down the hours which had only made the day go slower and my excitement greater.
I had tried to find things to do all day but as the time got nearer to Dave's return I was sat clock watching!
Dave was running late, I did not mind too much, I would have gone straight over no matter what time he got back. Then as if by clockwork, I recieved a message
"Hello, running a bit late, about another half an hour or so. If you have to be up then we can make it another time?"
I did not want to wait any longer and I felt as though I was being mocked by him running late but I held on and pulled through. So I did this by occupying my mind and getting my stuff ready to take over. I decided to pack some contraception, some red nylon sports shorts and some Poppers. Dean had got me into them.
As soon as I had been given the alarm, I had raced over to Dave's. When I arrived, all excited, he was already in bed, I locked the door and went upstairs, Dave lay there on the bed, on his front with his perfect buttocks slightly peeking out of the sheets. He stirred and turned his head towards me as he lifted himself up slightly...
"Hello You, sorry I dozed off for a second. Are you OK Sugar Bum?"
I smiled, seeing him all dozy just made me want to leap on him
"Yes are you?"
giving it my best shot to act casual
"Yes, I've missed you"
after getting undressed, I climbed into bed right next to him and he rolled on top of me, I could feel the excitement building up inside me I had been longing for his body to be on top of mine. Dave looked at me and said
"Have you missed me?"
"Yes!"
I answered honestly as if he did not already known the answer, I do believe he did. We started kissing, Dave then made the noise one makes when something is believed to be delicious
"mmm"
"Climb on top"
We were in the '69' position for some time and I was longing to feel his sweaty body thrusting against mine, He then pulled himself up through my legs and told me to "stay there" and rimmed me, I think it was purley to do with the person and not just the urge for the act itself and I was shivering in ecstasy. Dave then held me in place with his left hand on my lower back and his right squeezing my right cheek open and entered me, it was intense, sort of like a dominant cave man but with charisma! It was obvious that he had been away.
We spent the following morning together as he told me all about his holiday. He was being very strange
"I wish you could have come with me, I think you would like Thailand"
It was unlike him to linger on anything like this with me. I would have liked to have gone, to experience the culture and experience it all with him.
After breakfast, I went home, we had arranged to meet up that night also to cook a meal as Dave had bought a recipe book from a cooking class he had attended while he was in Thailand, I had gone halves with him on the ingredients.
As ashley had made his depressing daily visit, he had mentioned that Dave had returned as he had popped up online on the gay profiles. I was a little shocked and hurt, as he had not been back that long and already was looking for folk inbetween seeing me. I counted to ten in my head and calmed down and responded to Ashley with
"That's his business, not mine."
It bother me a little but Ashley had no idea Dave and I were still seeing each other so I had to remain calm even though it was none of Ashley's business, Ashley would have still had to stress his feelings on the matter.
I had told Ashley that I was seeing friends that night so that he would put in the extra work of trying to butter me up with lies. So after Ashley have gone, I had ran out to the shop and straight over to see Dave. Dave had decided that we would make a meal from his recipe book from Thailand, we had soup to start followed by a Thai Prawn Curry, both very nice but for desert I wanted him!
After dinner myself and Dave went out for drinks in town. We stopped at this nice cocktail bar where they always tend to play 80's music, as their clientele is mainly made up of people who were around to remember it, of which group I just sort of fell into. We sat outside to experience the last of the British summer and so I could experience a clear commentary on Dave's travels in Thailand without Duran Duran drowning out the South East Adventures. The Photos looked very nice and as I was shown through Dave's month long holiday in still form, everyone in the photos looked happy.
I watched Dave's face as he spoke about each photo, as though he was still there experiencing it in his mind all over again, and I realised that we could never have a strong relationship, I do not earn enough and he would never take me seriously because of that, he already never really listened to me when I spoke. I bet if I interrupted now and asked if he knew my favourite colour or when my birthday was, he would not have a clue... However I was wise enough to realise that it would be cruel to ask such selfish questions when he was talking so enthusiastically about his trip, I found the excitement quite sexy and it may me excited for him to hear him talk so passionate about something especially as he was no longer like that with me, which was the real downside.
On the walk home he asked if I would ever like to go to Thailand, we had this conversation before and I had said that I would but I knew he would only get bored...
"It's OK talking about it now you are back as by the next time you go you will have forgotten asking me plus we may not know each other then"
Dave responded
"Why? Where are you going?"
I then decided to just answer the question with
"Yes I would like to go"
When we got back to Dave's house, we had a night cap of Polish cherry Vodka. Dave was still talking about his holiday and I was really wishing that I could have been there to witness all the excitement.
Dave then said
"Shall we go to bed"
Upstairs, while Dave was in the bathroom and I was just climbing into bed when my phone chimed...
"I know where you are"
it was Ashley, trying to be mysterious in knowing my whereabouts, so I did the same
"That makes two of us ;)"
"Don't get clever with me, you're with him"
he replied, I could not be bothered with this from him, he had no right to be stalking me, it was obvious how he knew but was trying to remain mysterious about it as though it would not click in my mind...modern technology. So like a fool I said
"Actually no, I'm at My friend Helen's, she lives exactly the same distance but the other side of town so I can see why your little profile sites are confusing you"
to which he responded
"I believe you"
On some occasions, it is hard to decipher ones mood over text, there was no punctuation, he probably wanted me to ponder over whether he was being sarcastic or whether he was being genuine and really did trust me... I think he would have preferred the latter, that way if I had believed it was a genuine statement then surely I could find it in my self to trust him? NO!
I had no reason to lie to him, it was none of his business where I was, who I was with or what I was doing. The guy had been a decent friend, yes, but there was still something about him that would not allow me to trust in him.
As I laid the phone down, Dave's phoned chimed right next me on the bed. I looked across at the message scroll at the top of the screen
"Hey! Only me again! Had a good time today! Was hot! Need to meet for another horny sesh soon!"
I sat there in between the two thorns in my sides, confronted by the reality of the one I wanted to really be with and then the one who thinks stalking me is a sign of emotion, I guess it is in some way but not the right emotions that I want to welcome in to my life.
Dave then walked in, got undressed and climbed into bed, he picked up his phone while looking at me with no engaging expression at all and then started to read his message, he responded to it there and then, I turned away to to turn out the light and lay with my back to him, he then shuffled right up to me and wrapped his arms around me, usually I liked this but now it made my skin crawl.
There is a guy who says he feels a certain way without showing it yet I cannot trust him in the slightest and then one here who I like pretty much everything about, except the lies and the fact that he will never want to be with me.
I know that there is no such thing as a conventional monogamous gay relationship, I know at least that I am not that naive. However, I lie here in the arms of someone who clearly has some sort of hold on me, other than the current physical embrace, that I cannot seem to break myself free from. He cannot be worth all this, can he?
