Turn Of Events Part 1

Whilst diving right into the novelty of Dave's return, I was basking in his company, I was aware of the guy he met in between our own meetings but it failed to bother me. We were both aware that we slept with other guys and I had met up with guys whilst knowing I would be with Dave later on the same day, so now, it was a bit hypocritical to let my feelings get in the way and start being bothered by what Dave did when I was not around. So a couple of weeks later, I found myself doing it again myself. I was unaware of what I was doing until Dean the sexy Rugby player turned up with a bottle of poppers for us both, I realised that it is just the way we all are despite not wanting to see it so I thought fuck it!

After Dean had left, I showered and as I was getting dressed, ready for Round 2 at Dave's, I noticed that Dean had left his Poppers. 

Over at Dave's house, Dave greeted me at the door in his Gym wear, he knew I liked him in his gym wear,

but despite the gym gear, his skin smelt fresh. Dave had not been to the gym and was rampant. As we kissed, we moved over to the dining table. Dave pressed me against the table as he unfastened my trousers and then went down on me as I later returned the favour; I found myself even more turned on as I looked up at him in his gym vest hugging his body, the body that I was now wanting to be writhing against mine. After foreplay, Dave turned me around and bent me over the dining table, I pulled out the poppers that I had placed on the table and we both inhaled. Dave was so hard and I was buzzing as he went slow for a start. It was amazing as he spread both of my cheeks apart as he then went to thrust faster...it was a good night.

The following morning was the usual 'Walk of Shame' that was now a weekly ritual as I needed to get home to look as though I had spent the night there for when Ashley arrived.

I was getting use to the whole running around trying to meet people, mainly Dave and Ashley, I had considered the point in it all but I had found myself stuck. I was obviously starting to feel more comfortable around Ashley, all my better judgement had flown out of the window and I was starting to believe that I could finally have feelings for Ashley... it was still safe ground as long as I did not fall for his false I love you's. However, despite it still being a slow process there was a part of me that was starting to feel as though I could let him in eventually. I had considered that I did not trust him fully but in all honesty; he did not need to come over to see me, he did not need to do any of the things he had so far done nor any of the things he would still do; he wanted to see me, he wanted to do things for me, despite my reluctance and the intention was worth far more than any material object he constantly offered. I did consider whether he could live up to Dave and also if he may just be a back up for when Dave was out of the picture, I had no idea, also I thought it is probably better to carry on taking it one day at a time without allowing to be fed the bull shit that I had so far suffered from both parties. The approach was comfortable, easy and I finally felt free as I felt that now neither one has a hold over me. Neither one of these two men had really done anything that was an undeniable force and until I could no longer deny them, they would just be what they actually were and that was a fuck buddy. Now I was aware that feelings were in place but I just needed to keep a lid on them.

After telling Dave how I felt about him once upon a time... I decided not to tell Ashley that I was becoming a fool for it, it would only make things worse for me. 

So to take the edge of things, I met up with a new guy. MrDaddy10 was a very well built guy who was just a train ride away for me and a fifteen minute drive for him, he was in his forties and looking for a fuck buddy who he could dominate in the bedroom... but someone who was looking to be dominated. He arrived at my door at 10pm on a Sunday night, we went into town for a few drinks to talk 'Office' which was code for the bedroom and then when we returned back at mine and the door was locked, he took control of me. He was very tender when laying me down but as soon as he got going I did not have a prayer! It was hot! I was tossed around the bedroom like a rag doll, he was firm with his hands and it felt great! The whole time he was ordering me to take it when he cranked up the pace and asking me it was what I liked and what I wanted, I was on the brink of climax for a while but would not allow myself until he was ready.
Afterwards, he got up and put his clothes on. He attempted the usual chit chat "so how you been?" etc eventually finishing with his parting words

"see you soon...behave yourself"

it was an order but not meant too seriously, it was just slightly keeping in character. The truth was that I did want another round with MrDaddy10, he did something too me that had me trembling the whole time he was in control of me. His body was big and firm and he did own my body while I was in his hands and it felt great.

The following night after yet another afternoon lying to Ashley, I had gone over to Dave's for yet another masochist event although this time there was not quite another mystery man. Dave answered the door, smiled, said hello and then leaned in for a kiss. This was new and I was confused, that was until we walked around to the conservatory and saw his guest sitting there... his name was Jack, he looked like a librarian and his voice was deep enough to start a tsunami. After the meeting and greeting Jack and Dave sat down and discussed their lives; they spoke about work, cars and then jack mentioned the young stuff he was seeing. Spencer was 23 and in a relationship with a 21 year old girl who was expecting their first child just after Christmas. Spencer had begun seeing Jack after they met on a gay profile site, apparently Jack had offered him things and gave him money as Spencer was unemployed... Jack and Spencers' 'relationship' was exactly what Ashley was expecting of me, however me being independent, employed and not interested in other peoples money, meant that I knew better... plus I was able to see right through people.

After the Spencer talk, Jack started talking about going out to Thailand for three weeks, he said he needed a break, a break where he could travel around South East Asia at his leisure without having to think about work and probably the second son he never had...Spencer. I sat there and listened and was intrigued as he spoke of his last experience in Thailand , that was until he said 

"You should come with me Dave"

I looked straight at Dave, he had only just returned from Thailand and they were already discussing him going out there again?!

"I was thinking of getting another stint in before Christmas"

My heart started to pound, harder and harder, I had just spent nearly a whole month away from this guy and as if that was not torture enough he was right in front me discussing it all over again.

"It may be nice to even stay over Christmas I think"

Then my heart sank. It was mid October and now I had to adapt to not seeing Dave over Christmas and after nearly a month without seeing him and again to prepare for another month as well as Christmas felt like it was going to be too much.

After Jack had gone up to bed, there was silence. Dave asked if I was OK, truth was that I probably would get use to the idea, after all I had not known Dave for too long...but who was I kidding. I decided to change the subject and instead I commented on how deep Jack's voice was.

The following morning, we had a warm beverage in bed and then I ventured home, I could not get it out of my head.

That afternoon Ashley came over, he was being weird.. he would not stop looking at me. I asked him why he kept staring as he never stared at me as much as he was today. Ashley said

"Cos I like looking at you!"

I did not need that kind of talk right now

"...besides, I'm going away for ten days"

I turned to him and stared...

"Why where are you going?"

Ashley looked down, then back up and then at me,

"It's not for another two weeks but I have got to go to Thailand as I have been having a house built and it's finished so i need to go and make sure that it's been done how I wanted"

I could not believe it, what the hell was going on?! It was looking uncanny that two constant beings were both planning to go to Thailand around the same time.

"Are you coming back?"

I asked, because I was unsure now

"YES! I'm going for ten days silly"

I wondered and therefore asked my questions

"...if you wanted to move there and now have a house built there then why would you want to stick around?"

Ashley responded...

"Because I have you"

failing to fall victim to his horse shit and remaining realistic I reasoned

"In all fairness, why on earth would someone of your age give up moving to Thailand, where you have wanted to move to, enough to have a house built all because of some 25 year old guy who you have known only a year?"

Ashley stared, vacant and said

"because it can be a holiday home for us"

he started to get angry

"YES! Why do you always doubt me?! I know we have had our moments and you are not exactly perfect yourself but at least TRY to believe for once"

I did not think he was to be believed and after all the attempts at manipulation, I knew that I was not falling for that...

To Be Continued...

What's L@#e Got To Do With It?

With my relationship with Ashley clear, we could surely just get on with things?
Ashley would still not let up and I was fearing it was starting to have an effect on whatever our relationship was. I had feelings for him yes, he had been a constant rock so far for me what with the Dave saga and the health scare, despite being quick to write it off as good news without being given the 'all clear', but then I had stronger feelings for Dave... nothing is ever simple, apart from remaining single, that works for everyone everytime but not the emotionally weak.
So a month had passed and I had had enough of spending time with Ashley and hearing his stupid lines over and over again, however I had become better at not snapping, I had figured that if I did not give a reaction then it will fade away. I was wrong, the guy needed me to be his fool, believe what he said but I could not bring myself to think that way, there was respect there but that was fading with the blatant intentions behind his lies.
Dave had returned home all "golden and bitten", I was so excited about seeing him, I was counting down the hours which had only made the day go slower and my excitement greater.
I had tried to find things to do all day but as the time got nearer to Dave's return I was sat clock watching!
Dave was running late, I did not mind too much, I would have gone straight over no matter what time he got back. Then as if by clockwork, I recieved a message

"Hello, running a bit late, about another half an hour or so. If you have to be up then we can make it another time?"

I did not want to wait any longer and I felt as though I was being mocked by him running late but I held on and pulled through. So I did this by occupying my mind and getting my stuff ready to take over. I decided to pack some contraception, some red nylon sports shorts and some Poppers. Dean had got me into them.
As soon as I had been given the alarm, I had raced over to Dave's. When I arrived, all excited, he was already in bed, I locked the door and went upstairs, Dave lay there on the bed, on his front with his perfect buttocks slightly peeking out of the sheets. He stirred and turned his head towards me as he lifted himself up slightly...

"Hello You, sorry I dozed off for a second. Are you OK Sugar Bum?"

I smiled, seeing him all dozy just made me want to leap on him

"Yes are you?"

giving it my best shot to act casual

"Yes, I've missed you"

after getting undressed, I climbed into bed right next to him and he rolled on top of me, I could feel the excitement building up inside me I had been longing for his body to be on top of mine. Dave looked at me and said

"Have you missed me?"

"Yes!"

I answered honestly as if he did not already known the answer, I do believe he did. We started kissing, Dave then made the noise one makes when something is believed to be delicious

"mmm"

I could feel him grow firm on the inside of my leg, I was already in the 'willing' state and longed or us to get into it, he started to thrust slowly and then he started to kiss my neck, moving down to my nipple and then even further to my member which he gave me a tease before he laid himself down and said

"Climb on top"

We were in the '69' position for some time and I was longing to feel his sweaty body thrusting against mine, He then pulled himself up through my legs and told me to "stay there" and rimmed me, I think it was purley to do with the person and not just the urge for the act itself and I was shivering in ecstasy. Dave then held me in place with his left hand on my lower back and his right squeezing my right cheek open and entered me, it was intense, sort of like a dominant cave man but with charisma! It was obvious that he had been away.
We spent the following morning together as he told me all about his holiday. He was being very strange

"I wish you could have come with me, I think you would like Thailand"

It was unlike him to linger on anything like this with me. I would have liked to have gone, to experience the culture and experience it all with him.
After breakfast, I went home, we had arranged to meet up that night also to cook a meal as Dave had bought a recipe book from a cooking class he had attended while he was in Thailand, I had gone halves with him on the ingredients.
As ashley had made his depressing daily visit, he had mentioned that Dave had returned as he had popped up online on the gay profiles. I was a little shocked and hurt, as he had not been back that long and already was looking for folk inbetween seeing me. I counted to ten in my head and calmed down and responded to Ashley with

"That's his business, not mine."

It bother me a little but Ashley had no idea Dave and I were still seeing each other so I had to remain calm even though it was none of Ashley's business, Ashley would have still had to stress his feelings on the matter.
I had told Ashley that I was seeing friends that night so that he would put in the extra work of trying to butter me up with lies. So after Ashley have gone, I had ran out to the shop and straight over to see Dave. Dave had decided that we would make a meal from his recipe book from Thailand, we had soup to start followed by a Thai Prawn Curry, both very nice but for desert I wanted him!
After dinner myself and Dave went out for drinks in town. We stopped at this nice cocktail bar where they always tend to play 80's music, as their clientele is mainly made up of people who were around to remember it, of which group I just sort of fell into. We sat outside to experience the last of the British summer and so I could experience a clear commentary on Dave's travels in Thailand without Duran Duran drowning out the South East Adventures. The Photos looked very nice and as I was shown through Dave's month long holiday in still form, everyone in the photos looked happy.
I watched Dave's face as he spoke about each photo, as though he was still there experiencing it in his mind all over again, and I realised that we could never have a strong relationship, I do not earn enough and he would never take me seriously because of that, he already never really listened to me when I spoke. I bet if I interrupted now and asked if he knew my favourite colour or when my birthday was, he would not have a clue... However I was wise enough to realise that it would be cruel to ask such selfish questions when he was  talking so enthusiastically about his trip, I found the excitement quite sexy and it may me excited for him to hear him talk so passionate about something especially as he was no longer like that with me, which was the real downside.
On the walk home he asked if I would ever like to go to Thailand, we had this conversation before and I had said that I would but I knew he would only get bored...

"It's OK talking about it now you are back as by the next time you go you will have forgotten asking me plus we may not know each other then"

Dave responded

"Why? Where are you going?"

I then decided to just answer the question with

"Yes I would like to go"

When we got back to Dave's house, we had a night cap of Polish cherry Vodka. Dave was still talking about his holiday and I was really wishing that I could have been there to witness all the excitement.

Dave then said 

"Shall we go to bed"

Upstairs, while Dave was in the bathroom and I was just climbing into bed when my phone chimed...

"I know where you are"

it was Ashley, trying to be mysterious in knowing my whereabouts, so I did the same

"That makes two of us ;)"

"Don't get clever with me, you're with him"

he replied, I could not be bothered with this from him, he had no right to be stalking me, it was obvious how he knew but was trying to remain mysterious about it as though it would not click in my mind...modern technology. So like a fool I said

"Actually no, I'm at My friend Helen's, she lives exactly the same distance but the other side of town so I can see why your little profile sites are confusing you"

to which he responded

"I believe you"

On some occasions, it is hard to decipher ones mood over text, there was no punctuation, he probably wanted me to ponder over whether he was being sarcastic or whether he was being genuine and really did trust me... I think he would have preferred the latter, that way if I had believed it was a genuine statement then surely I could find it in my self to trust him? NO! 

I had no reason to lie to him, it was none of his business where I was, who I was with or what I was doing. The guy had been a decent friend, yes, but there was still something about him that would not allow me to trust in him.

As I laid the phone down, Dave's phoned chimed right next me on the bed. I looked across at the message scroll at the top of the screen

"Hey! Only me again! Had a good time today! Was hot! Need to meet for another horny sesh soon!"

I sat there in between the two thorns in my sides, confronted by the reality of the one I wanted to really be with and then the one who thinks stalking me is a sign of emotion, I guess it is in some way but not the right emotions that I want to welcome in to my life.

Dave then walked in, got undressed and climbed into bed, he picked up his phone while looking at me with no engaging expression at all and then started to read his message, he responded to it there and then, I turned away to to turn out the light and lay with my back to him, he then shuffled right up to me and wrapped his arms around me, usually I liked this but now it made my skin crawl.

There is a guy who says he feels a certain way without showing it yet I cannot trust him in the slightest and then one here who I like pretty much everything about, except the lies and the fact that he will never want to be with me.

I know that there is no such thing as a conventional monogamous gay relationship, I know at least that I am not that naive. However, I lie here in the arms of someone who clearly has some sort of hold on me, other than the current physical embrace, that I cannot seem to break myself free from. He cannot be worth all this, can he?

Diminishing Trust

Week in week out, things were going relatively OK with Ashley and Dave. They were both behaving themselves in what they were saying. I had reduced my time with Dave down to once a week, considering the circumstances I found this vital as we were getting on a lot better.
Ashley had learnt to keep calm about what he allowed to fly out of his mouth so things were going fine.
I had joined a new profile website that was proving to be a bit of a hit with me, I had met a couple of guys from there but nothing worth shouting from the rooftops about. One guy did stand out for a second which was purely down to his aesthetic, that is until I compared facial features, his nose was different in each picture. we had had conversations through chat rooms and private chat rooms, no camera action or meet though and now there was never going to be. If the guy cannot send me a genuine picture then how will I know which one is ever going to be him and if he is worth meeting.
I had had quite a busy week at work as I was up for promotion, I had been longing for it for a while and considering the staff turnover of late I felt that I had aquired enough skills for the role as well as shown that I could do the job blindfolded.
I had my trial shifts within the role so that my manager could see how I adapted to the it, he liked my ideas and liked the way I was running things as well as how the other staff had accepted me in the role so far. After four years, I finally felt as though I was on that metaphorical ladder.
Everything was a first, I had been given tasks that were not part of my previous role which I accepted and I felt I took on with confidence and was then greeted with some inspiring recognition. I dealt with things on my own iniative which had become a bit of a rare thing in my previous role so now I was running with it. My manager had told me that in order to be a good manager I need to be confident in taking risks which I found fine but at the end of that day as he was leaving, he turned and said

"If you are stuck with anything, make sure you call me"

I paused...did he not already tell me to take risks? I did not think too much into it and carried on logging the deliveries for the day. So far this week I had been logging data for deliveries and controlling stock, making phone calls right, left and centre. I had dealt with everything and had some very good, and helpful feedback such as which parts I could improve and there were not that many.

The end of the week came and Ashley had agreed to 'treat' ourselves with a weekend in Manchester. The hotel was very nice, a clear, clean lobby and everywhere smelt like a hint of oranges. Our room was like an apartment; very spacious with a nice view of the city, including the infamous Canal Street.

We went for food at this mediterranean restaurant where we sopke on life and what we intend to do with it, I said what I would like to do with mine, both realistically and what I had dreamed for the past 13 years. Ashley then spoke more on the 'lying on a beach somewhere' dream and told me he had wanted to move to Thailand. I looked up in shock. Ashley?! Culture?! surely not? He was the son of a butcher after all... or at least that is what I was told. However he was the gay son of a butcher so I doubt that would have been what a small town butcher would have wanted. Ashley looked at me and said

"Things have changed now that I have met you...unless you want to come with me?"

After the drinks we then for drinks down Canal Street. We walked into this bar and there were hot men everywhere, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I had no idea where to look! Especially with Ashley stood next to me, however he seemed irrelevant at this point. Screw his lies and fairy tales Thailand, which were probably all a load of rubbish, I needed a man!

We sat down on the stripy sofa underneath one of many of the dim lit chandaliers. We sat talking about our relationship...I did not really care about nonsense at this point, I wanted a whole lot of nonsense with someone else in the mens room right this minute... but Ashley was still talking.

"Are you listening?"

He yelped

"Of course"

I cried

"so how about coming to Thailand with me?"

"Oh, I'm sure you don't want me tagging along on your little expedition. You probably have a wife chained to the kitchen or some twink locked in your basement who you would rather take"

I figured a joke may make prompt him to ease off.

"no, not at all"

he pleaded. Pushing my luck, I said

"is it both? She hasnt been able to leave to kitchen since the 1950's so she wouldnt know about the twink in the basement"

He got the joke. So he attempted a joke of his own...

"why don't you come and replace both of them?"

"Oh you don't want me, you're too perverted for that, once I show any sign of aging you will be on to the next young boy that minces past"

as the words left my mouth, I realised that it didnt feel as though I was exaggerating Ashley was older, which I had no issue with but I was aware of how he liked his younger men. By comparison I was probably the most mature and that is why he thought he could spin the lies on me so easily because I act a certain way but still have the mind and outlook of a 26 year old. He could not have been more wrong. I was onto him and this stupidly ridiculous life he was trying to sell so as he started talking about private jets and keeping me in nice clothes and well looked after, I said...

"Losingmymind69"

"What?!"

he said, looking at me as if I was insane.

"That was you on that profile site! You played that song in the car and then set up a profile to try and catch me with those pictures with the dodgy nose! It's hardly sublte!"

 

"What?! why would I do that when have you?"

"but you don't have me! Execpt in the same way you have everyone else"

I downed my drink and left, I had no idea what I was doing, would I find another hotel? I found I had the other key to the hotel and made my way back.
I could hear Ashley calling me, it was so embarrassing but if I turn around now, he will think he has got me wrapped around his little finger.
Back in the hotel room, I figured I may as well go the full length and sit in the dark. It was far too dramatic but I was enjoying the way it had turned around...even if it was childish.
Ashley came in slightly out of breath

"what the bloody hell are you doing?! Are ou trying to give me a heart attack?! I couldnt see you through people out there!"

"Who do you think you are trying to trap me? You give me your shitty little lines, pretending it's some Home and Away episode, set up a very bad profile and then feed me some crap about private jets! I am not THAT kind of person!"

Ashley looked straight at me.


"I know, I'm sorry. I want you so much and I want you to want me so I wanted to see how to get that"


I had no way of reasoning, the guy was never going to stop lying.

"well..., if that is really what you are trying to do then you are going the wrong way about it completely because I am having trouble believing you and you just will not let up. You give me your crap and have been for quite some time now and I have already spoken with you about it and it has not stopped. I don't want some one who has nothing better to do than bang on about irrelevant things such as private jets...it doesnt interest me!"

Ashley started going on about how I knew nothing about his life, it was completely irrelevant to what we were originally talking about, maybe he wanted to go off topic? Maybe he wanted to turn the arguement around so I was somehow to blame? I had however been pleadeing with this guy for months to stop making everything heavier than what it was and it was not sinking in. I should have by now ended it...whatever IT was.

The following morning we woke, we went for a walk, had breakfast together went for lunch and also managed to fit some bedtime in between. It was as though last night had never happened, maybe we needed to let of some steam or maybe we were both just trying to forget it had happened.

It was a nice weekend despite the arguement. Ashley did promise to never try and trap me with fake profiles again, but I always made sure I analysised every picture that was send to me.