It was August 2009, I was a 23 year old boy with a scratch that had been lingering for exactly 10 years. I had not been able to deny myself of this urge for much longer. I had had minor runnings with girls with whom I had been very fond of and still do feel that way to this day but there was more that needed to fulfilled. I had spent the past ten years trying to prove that all I wanted was to be with a woman and instead had found myself setting up that as an option, should I find the right woman, but what if I find the right man?
The idea of being with a man had been at the back of my mind and I had subconciously admitted this possibility to myself when agreeing, albeit yet again to myself, the potential of an attractive man when he passed me in the street, I became fixated and then, again subconciously, snapped out of it and probably not thought about it until again that night. However, I took the step of moving to a city, a city which is busy yet anonymity can be achievable...for the time being. I then went a whole year without any physical action (with another), my urges growing and then fast forward a year, I lived with one of my gay friends, no he did not show me the ropes, we did not and have not slept together to this day. My friend did show me something, profile sites. I was on Myspace and Facebook but I had not yet incorporated the networking into my sex life...hence the year long draught!
On the quiet I did sit, while in the university computer lab, signing up for a sex site! A free for all sex site just to keep my options open.
My new found 'freedom' felt like heaven, but how was I going to do it without getting caught? I did not want anyone to be proven right about this, especially when I was undecided myself.
I did seek advice from a potential 'meet' but that is all it turned out to be due to them not wanting to "go easy" on me, it did somewhat put me off but his advice was ok.
It was exciting to speak to guys and be able to speak openly and possibly flirt, and even more exciting when I had the house to myself... but I was not yet ready. I sat and googled site after site in order to go against the so- called 'norm' and join the more popular sites and so I found my first experience in doing just that! He used a fake name and probably a fake age but that was not important. He too had not gone-all-the-way with a guy so we were both doing each othera favour in experimenting. Thinking about it now, it seems quite boring but very kind to ease me in like that and by that I mean with Porn and self exploitation in order to create that comfort between us then moving on to whatever it all may lead to, I did not have an idea whether I would be coming back to I took the chance anyway.
It was all very exciting to start but then felt as if we might just be going through the motions and I had no idea whether or not we was as I had no experience to go on and compare. I had no feeling, just a voice inside my head telling me that I did not enjoy this, however there was something thrilling about it. I believe my own judgement and it has never steered me completely wrong and it is one of those things I had guessed where I would just know if I tried it.
After I had left I felt relieved, in the sense that I had tried it and not because of the particular actions that took place. I returned home in such a good mood that world peace nearly felt achieveable.
The idea of being with a man had been at the back of my mind and I had subconciously admitted this possibility to myself when agreeing, albeit yet again to myself, the potential of an attractive man when he passed me in the street, I became fixated and then, again subconciously, snapped out of it and probably not thought about it until again that night. However, I took the step of moving to a city, a city which is busy yet anonymity can be achievable...for the time being. I then went a whole year without any physical action (with another), my urges growing and then fast forward a year, I lived with one of my gay friends, no he did not show me the ropes, we did not and have not slept together to this day. My friend did show me something, profile sites. I was on Myspace and Facebook but I had not yet incorporated the networking into my sex life...hence the year long draught!
On the quiet I did sit, while in the university computer lab, signing up for a sex site! A free for all sex site just to keep my options open.
My new found 'freedom' felt like heaven, but how was I going to do it without getting caught? I did not want anyone to be proven right about this, especially when I was undecided myself.
I did seek advice from a potential 'meet' but that is all it turned out to be due to them not wanting to "go easy" on me, it did somewhat put me off but his advice was ok.
It was exciting to speak to guys and be able to speak openly and possibly flirt, and even more exciting when I had the house to myself... but I was not yet ready. I sat and googled site after site in order to go against the so- called 'norm' and join the more popular sites and so I found my first experience in doing just that! He used a fake name and probably a fake age but that was not important. He too had not gone-all-the-way with a guy so we were both doing each othera favour in experimenting. Thinking about it now, it seems quite boring but very kind to ease me in like that and by that I mean with Porn and self exploitation in order to create that comfort between us then moving on to whatever it all may lead to, I did not have an idea whether I would be coming back to I took the chance anyway.
It was all very exciting to start but then felt as if we might just be going through the motions and I had no idea whether or not we was as I had no experience to go on and compare. I had no feeling, just a voice inside my head telling me that I did not enjoy this, however there was something thrilling about it. I believe my own judgement and it has never steered me completely wrong and it is one of those things I had guessed where I would just know if I tried it.
After I had left I felt relieved, in the sense that I had tried it and not because of the particular actions that took place. I returned home in such a good mood that world peace nearly felt achieveable.
