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As time was passing and I was enjoying my new found freedom of not analysing everything, things felt as though they were going OK, my relationship with Dave was distant without rubbish, sugar coated crap he usually spouted, I was having fun with a guy who at the time felt was worth having fun with even if he could not stop telling lies, he was easy to shut up off from.
I was never a 'people person' when it came to intimacy; arms length was about as far as folk would get unless it was a one night thing in which case they would even further and that way of thinking was finally returning back to me. However it was the bull shit that was being spouted that was starting to piss me off, both Dave and Ashley were trying me with their lies and their apparent caring ways towards me...it was now old hat and I was getting very intolerant with it, in the same way when a friend who has just multiplied and will not shut up about their god damn baby or an old person that you are stuck behind and the will not move. The speech was being spouted, they both thought I was stupid. But by now it was clear that they are false people and I had learnt that I was not willing to involve myself with their crap...it made me quite angry. These two men were feeling like burdens, it was as though they had actually met and arranged how to work me, which the two actually meeting was just as obvious as their lies, I chose not to confront the topic as they would just deal with the matter in their usual way...lie and answer with "no". It was too easy for them so why would they not meet.
So I kept myself separated, when I was with them, I would shut off and not listen, just like they did. It was liberating, I was finally free, they were to me exactly what I was to them.
I did however prioritise Ashley more as Dave had actually proven that my company was not welcome unless Dave had a certain itch that needed scratching...as his last result, it was better that way.
Towards the end of the week, Ashley had asked, during the usual 2.30 rendezvous, if I would go for a drink with him. So I agreed, again I took cash out with me and we shared the rounds. We had a decent time, we spoke about our days and we joked, Ashley spouted more and more nonsense about his so called feelings and then we returned back to mine, alone again so Ashley carried on with his carry on

"OOOH! I do feel a lot for you! I shouldn't but I do!"

I could never look a person in the eye unless I was serious about something and I could not even look in the direction of this clown's face right now, so Ashley being Ashley thought that dragging me to the bedroom would be him showing his feelings, personally I did not care about him showing anything other than contributing to a decent time. Now usually Ashley never lasted long in the bedroom, it seemed to be a pattern with certain men mentioned; they would jump on the saddle, right the pony however they thought was best and then as soon as they were done, they were done and no one else mattered. So whilst in the midst of things and trying to angle myself in the correct way in which to feel the slightest effect of Ashley's poor attempt of 'manhood'... Ashley reached his climax. He was out of breath and spent up therefore it was time to leave. He peeled his sweaty body off of mine, slithered back into his clothes and then leaving the used contraception on the floor we said our goodnight. I was about to go to bed after I had locked him out but something made me want to watch him drive away, so I stood at the window and waited. The lights went up, the car reversed out of it's space, pulled up to the entrance of the car park and then instead of turning left in which to go home, Ashley turned right, I waited ten minutes in case he had gone to the petrol station down the road but forty five minutes later he had not passed by. I turned around to the now messy bedroom, I went to dispose of the contraception to find that there was actually no deposit left. It did not take a Harvard student to work out exactly what Ashley was playing at. I decided I was not going to analyse and so I went to bed.
The next morning I called Liam,

"Oh babe, I'm on someones balcony smoking a fag int'I?!"  

he proclaimed

"This babe needs to get her skates on and make her way back home

before she disgraces herself even further"

I asked why Liam's night had become so tragic,

"Well, I bumped into him in the bogs at Blush and I thought 'that babes staring at me' and so I look again and I thought 'oh he's only bloody giving me the eye ain't he!'"

The subject had in fact followed Liam into the toilets without actually needing the facilities in order to get Liam's attention. His name was Chris, he was a 23 year old receptionist trapped in an 18 year old Emo's body, apparently no one understood him. He apparently was quite the gentleman and bought Liam a drink o his choice which was a snakebite and black, at the time 'a guy after Liam's own heart' and they danced the night away to all the gay classics, it was the closest Liam had ever been to "true romance"

"That's your idea of romance?"

I cried rather concerned for Liam. To which he followed on with

"Oh babe, he had it all, nice clothes, nice eyes, nice apartment with a buzzer and everything! Definitely one to take home to mother he was, I tell you not a lie!"

myself becoming intrigued, I spurred Liam on to finish and he did not hesitate

"Well as you have made yourself perfectly clear babe that this one ain't that fussy when it comes to her men, well babe you are gonna have a fucking field day, I tell you not a lie!"

I thought it may be in his true style and end up with some gory detail about genitalia but this time Liam had managed to shock.

"Through his shirt he looked well built so I wanted to get under that quicker than what my knickers would come flying off. So I went to pull it and he declined, he wanted to rip my clothes off to his lil' hearts content, he did, but I just was not allowed to take his shirt off. I asked what was up and so he took his shirt off...he only had a catheter underneath dint he babe. Well I did not know what to do and as this babe ain't been fucked in too long I thought...why not babe, why not?! So I did."

Once I regained composure I asked

"So you seeing him again then!"

Liam truthfully replied

"no, he was embarrassed and he was all weird with me and stuff this morning"

I begun to tell him about my night with Ashley complete with ending, to which Liam said

"oh babe at least you know now"

It was true, in Liam's experience of knowing me, I was very dismissive with people, minus Dave, so he expected me to be the same as I ever was with Ashley. I did not need to ponder on this little man. I hardly knew the guy so why on earth was I wasting my time with it, besides, Dave had text me demanding I provide my services over at his that night.

That day myself and Ashley had arranged a night in, I figured he seemed to be around too much just lately for this to stay casual and so when he turned up at my door right on 2.30pm, I told him I was feeling under the weather. I tried to make out I was disappointed with feeling ill and said if I sleep I may feel better by that night, I had not planned what to do if he had agreed with that theory.

He said

"I tell you what, let's forget tonight, it is much better for you to stay in and get better instead of going out and making yourself worse"

I agreed and as soon as he left to attend whatever his back up plans were, I got myself ready to venture over to Dave's. I did feel slightly bad about my little act but I feel I had learnt something from these two compulsive liars; the opportunity for it and how to not get found out. However, I have never been a good liar in the past and I have always preferred to just tell people the truth as oppose to tip toeing around people's feelings because then no one is happy, should you in a position with someone when one does not feel the same as the other, then I find it best to make the person aware of that situation so then that way something can be sorted. In this occasion, I was sticking to the 'treat people as you wish to be treated' and I was treating said people in the only way I knew how to deal with them.

That night, myself and Dave were lay watching TV, not exactly exciting but then we were only keeping each other around for one reason in particular, I was feeling slightly bored, I did wonder if Dave's intention was to bore me to tears so I never bothered coming over but considering my reasons for being there, I could have been called over, done the deed and left. He could then watch all the mind numbing entertainment he wanted, I have not watched TV for two years, I do not miss it.

Just then my phone went, I looked and it was a text message from Ashley

"Hello sweetie, just checking that you are feeling OK?

Miss you! xxx"

My first instinct was to feel guilty, but I repressed it. I was not about to let myself be the weaker party, so I ignored it. However that did not work. Ashley then decided to call, I did not answer. Ashley did not respond well to being on the receiving end of his own actions, I then received another text message from Ashley

"Where are you? Who are you with?"

It was none of his business but I felt I should maybe call him, so I slipped away to the toilet to find he had turned his phone off. So I used the toilet, went back downstairs and thought no more of it. If this man can let rubbish fly out of his mouth, still see whoever he wants and try and manipulate me into a niche then he is clearly deluded. So now it was beyond my control, he was sulking so there was nothing left for me to do but let him cool down and review his behaviour. Whether or not he did this was up to him, I was just going along with things. At this time it was beginning to seem, now proven, that the older gay men get, the more immature they become. It may be the same with straight men, I do not know. But gay men, in my experience with certain folk showcase this theory, I doubt it is the case with everyone. However when such a thing is confronted, the trait is often turned around and it is the accuser who is then the childish one. I have found on this occastion to just humor then and agree that maybe sometimes or this time that they may be right. They love it. It is weird how older gay gentlemen...no wait older people both men and women have such a huge complex over being branded childish and yet when they are confronted with being branded this, they showcase the evidence even more with their need to redeem themselves. This is because they no longer need to take themselves seriously so subconciously they adopt this juvenile behaviour yet explode like a teenager when confronted with it. Not everyone but certain people in particular, most older men can be charming.

So naturally I was becoming exhausted, I was dividing myself between these two men, unsure why, it's always good to have regular 'friends' but I was squeezing in dates with new folk in between and then for some unknown reason, lying my arse off to Ashley to spare his feelings that he was lying about in the first place anyway.

The next day, after racing back to mine that morning, I changed into shorts and a T shirt to seem as though I had not left, ready for 2.30.

When Ashley turned up, he was none the wiser.

"are you feeling any better?"

I answered

"Yes thank you, are you?"

I glared at him waiting for my answer to which he nobly responded

"Yes, I'm sorry about last night, I got a bit wound up as I thought you may be with someone else."

I felt guilty, I should not have, I know but I did. I was not this person, I had become this person due to surrounding myself with this breed of people. So I asked

"I guess it's none of my business and you can tell me to mind my own but the other night when you left, where did you go?"

pausing and searching for something to pop into his head Ashley looked me in the eye and quickly pleaded

"Nowhere ,I went home"

as soon as the answer entered his head, it was flying out of his mouth and he was at least trying to look earnest about it. So I reasoned

"You went in the opposite direction at about 1am and when I cleared up here, you had not reached the peak you claimed to have and then you have the nerve to call me and come over all pathetic when I do not answer the phone?"

he pleaded further

"Oh, I did go home, I just went another way why can't you just believe me?"

I said

"because Belief is based on something, and all I have is what I saw and now your shitty excuse for it, yet you come here and spout all manor of crap about how you feel and how much you think about me like some big Wendy! We don't even need to be having this conversation but you insist on playing these games, I spent the past year playing games with someone who thought they were a bigger force than nature so do not try your crap with me"

and there staring right back at me was a blank, vacant face...and then Ashley started to cry. He turned away and branded me

"Bastard!"

I felt bad at the possibility that these may not be crocodile tears but then that would be playing right into his hands. So instead, I stood frozen and waited for the show to end. I told him

"It's none of my business where you went but I was pissed off that you became this mardy little girl when I did not respond to you"

Ashley became calm very quickly as he looked up, it was all an act. I did not believe it, he knew I did not believe it but he kept on apologising and reasoning with

"I'm sorry about that, it's because I do care a lot about you, you know."

He was not going to snap out of it, maybe being a liar was in his Genes. He was not quite ready for the stage but if it was genetic then I hope that at least he made parents proud.

Once Bitten...?

After having the 'scarlett letter' burnt into my forehead, I decided to give Ashley a wide berth. It was only just supposed to be a one night thing but he had dragged it out to two extra meets. I remained polite and responded to his attempts of contact but he seemed to claw his way into my day to day life with his constant calls, text messages and not to mention the obvious...turning up at my door every day at 2.30.
I did not grasp, what Ashley's intentions were exactly, but I did realise that in my mind he came across as being full of 'bull shit', especially with his 'I love you' and 'I have never felt like this about anyone before'. It was of course transparent, I figured there was no harm in a little fun so I did let him come over at 2.30 which then became 2.30 every day and then sometimes, when arranged, going out in the evening. In my mind, this was all OK while kept light, Ashley did was not genuine so it did not matter if we never saw each other ever again. However, the following week, my washing machine broke, there were sparks flying from underneath it. I was telling Ashley about it when he came over that day. Ashley's answer to the problem was,

"I will buy you a new washing machine"

naturally I refused

"I will buy MYSELF a new washing machine"

but he insisted

"we will go this weekend and get you one"

Ashley had this desperate urge to try and come across assertive, he failed miserably, maybe had he not let any financial security rob him of a soul he could have took up some training in assertiveness as he claimed to be in a managerial role before threw it away. The weekend came and I said that we were going to look for a washing machine to see what my options were, I walked around browsing and he swanned around pretending to be Richard Branson. He recommended the washing machine as apparently he had one by the same company and in his opinion they were reliable. Believing this but still wanting a second opinion, I asked the saleswoman who agreed, it was not overly expensive so she would gain nothing more from the sale as she would had I purchased one that also made breakfast. So I took the recommended washing machine, it's still going strong. Ashley was going through his wallet to pick which golden ticket was to but the washing machine, however more fool him and his one man show of "wealth", I had mine in my hand, I did not take a wallet and supplied the sales woman with my card.

Washing machine aside, I was not fond of Ashley's sales pitch: the premature feelings, the meal, the 'honest' talk of how he came into money and now the attempt to buy a washing machine assuming I came free with it, the faux cash flash was all getting a bit too much. If he wanted to be in such a position with me then he needed to flash a little more than material things, I wanted his personality to outshine all the irrelevant crap, I had been with a girl who I was attracted to based on looks and it did not last past three months of sex so here and now Ashley was playing it all wrong. Could it be possible that this guy lacks personality? Or to reader even further maybe he has such a gruesome personality so he needs to buy people in which to trap his prey? However on the flip side, he did come with me to help pick out a washing machine and at least offer to pay, but he did try to get out of paying for the meal last week and procrastinate when it came to picking a card for the washing machine...here come the questions.

There is a well known saying 'Once bitten, twice as shy', the effect of experience can leave a mark which makes us wary of similar situations in the future based on that experience. Ashley may have been working his arse off to try and get me to see something in him, but it was all too fresh to start throwing caution to the wind especially when I was not interested in material things and that aside another well known saying which is also proven to be true...'Actions speak louder than words'. Some would argue that despite being told on countless occasions about how Ashley apparently felt, they were still only words then some may argue that buying a washing machine is an action, it was not a certifying sign of emotion and still turned out to be just words. So I analysed and asked myself

What did I want?

The washing machine was a necessity, he realised I needed one and came with me and guided me. That was the action that I needed to take note on. He was turning up at my door every single day maybe to see me, maybe to kill time, no matter how I look at it. All that cloudy deluded way of turning something into a positive thing, maybe my only problem at this time could be that he was not Dave.  So I decided to play it slowly, but I needed to pay attention to the doubts in my head.

My thinking may have been irrational but if someone is constantly saying heavy things to e already and also, reading between the lines, showing it in someway in their actions, then I need to make sense of things especially after the last one.

It was still early days with Ashley but it was the same every day, always at 2.30 with the same old lines oh and I was still seeing Dave occasionally, which seemed to rub it in even more that he was a far cry from Dave. I had no Idea what I was going to do.

The following week Ashley came over as usual and asked me if I would like to go to Blackpool with him, I had never been to Blackpool before in my life, when I told him this he seemed shocked

"How can you not have been to Blackpool before?"

so I explained

"'cos my parents loved me too much to take me to there"

He seemed determined to take me now, so that was a box ticked; that he wanted me to experience something that I never had...however the fact that it was Blackpool felt a little degrading but it's bound to be an experience of some sort and then reality hit, I did not know this guy very well, I had my assumptions and he was not exactly mysterious in anyway but I had not yet had perceptions proven right or wrong.

"I'll think about it"

I said, to which he reasoned

"It's just a weekend"

I explained

"It's Blackpool"

from what stories I was being fed, Ashley had clearly been brought up getting his own way and he had not grown out of it; the early retirement, the tantrum he thrown when I did not take him up on his dinner offer at first. To me this was one big baby trapped inside an older man's body. I was no good with children so I needed to treat him as I felt and was pretty sure how I was being treated.

Fast forward two weeks, I had agreed to go to Blackpool with Ashley. It was exactly how I expected it, but there was something quite cosy about it. The cosiness of the place was possibly the fact that no one knew me there, therefore no risk of seeing anyone that I may know.

We stayed at a particular hotel that catered for gay men. It was within the gay area but among houses/flats with a hotel for all kinds of folk near by. It was a place that the openly gay men can go without a care in the world. The rooms were tiny and the decor was like a dentist, there was no TV reception, just porn. It was good while horny, but by the time your horizontal jogging marathon comes to an end several hours later, then it just feels weird. So instead of wallowing in our animalistic urges after being all urged out, we went for a walk. Something to eat, a bit of window shopping, which resulted in me buying myself a nice jacket, back to the hotel for a lie down and a nap and then back off out again for drinks and that was the day we arrived.

The next day we woke had our routine fondle and then headed out for breakfast, breakfast was to be had at a greasy spoon in the town, I forget the name, possibly 'Greasy Spoon'. The place was quaint, I will give it that but when one orders a Latte and still receives just an average Americano, it suddenly hits that this is no "Bright lights, big city" despite being famous for it.

So there we sat in good ol' time warped "Greasy Spoon", and as all the old dears piled in to the point that the "Greasy Spoon " almost became happening, Ashley found that now would be a good time to talk about the day and night before:

"I enjoyed yesterday and getting you drunk last night, you were filthy!"

I corrected

"I was not drunk and there are ladies present"

and then I was corrected

"Oh they can't hear us"

Ashley then looked around as though he maybe doubting the ladies loss of hearing. So I informed him of our situation and our respect to the girl's territory

"still, we don't want chasing out of Blackpool by walking sticks do we?"

The next two days pretty much consisted of the same activities as the day we got there, however on the Sunday, I was dragged to see a drag...act. The madam looked like a stereotype of a lorry driver in a blonde, wonky wig and a tight, gold gown and showing off every unflattering curve while attempting to sing 'And I Am Telling You'. For some reason, Ashley felt that now was a good time to resume rambling about his imaginary feelings and tell me

"I've never met anyone else like you, I care about you a lot"

I could not take this crap anymore, we had had a good weekend and then he goes and nearly spoils it by saying something stupid. I interrupted and tried to accentuate the real reason we were there by referring to the past two nights

"I think I'm getting a bit drunk"

The night was definitely entertaining, however when we returned to the hotel and we just went to sleep. Ashley was determined to act his arse off until I fell for the games, either that or he just preferred me drunk...I decided on the latter.

The next day we saddled up to...venture home, the weekend had come to an end. I had quite enjoyed myself, the company was no different but at least I was settled around him without any need of analysing, the situation was what it was. He was going to keep saying these things and I was going to keep ignoring him, they just did not ring true, I did not feel that he was telling the truth, sure whenever he was in my company it seemed hard for him to keep his hands to himself but that was not an indicator for his feelings. His feelings were not important, we had a fun weekend and that was as far as it was going. I could not grasp why on earth this guy would not give up on the crap, be real and get involved with the fun.

Weight Lifted?

After mine and David's rendezvous, everything felt better, there was no cloudiness, heaviness and no need, at least, for anymore lies, however some habits die hard but it no longer mattered, there was no illusion of intimacy anymore. Nothing had really changed with the way were we around each other but I could now take Dave with a pinch of salt without wanting to believe him as oppose to thinking I should and end up doubting him.
There was no problem except for when one of us got in contact with the other at a time when we arranged dates or random encounters had occurred then we would have to lie which would then cause the awkwardness when certain folks stories fail to add up, like I said old habits die hard. It was because of this notion that I addressed the danger in seeing Dave still. However, I cannot allow myself to be a hypocrite and be bothered by it.
We seemed to speak freely, I no longer cared what he thought of me and how he judged me, I did watch what I said slightly in case of anything causing an argument whenever he had, had a bad day but I think I adapted myself well to the new situation there and then. To Dave, the situation had not changed, I had always been his 'fuck buddy', one that at the time was impressionable and easy to manipulate. Hopefully now there would be no need for it as we were both aware that we were no closer than arms length.
So when I left, I did indeed have a spring in my step. I dd still need to block the guy from my mind just in case any feelings started to take over but while I was in a decent situation with Dave, I wanted to see if we could keep it that way.
On the walk home, I received a call from Liam as if he knew that I was free to talk

"Oh my God! You're up early?! So Babe did do the dirty with Mr. Dave last night then? Is she doing the walk of shame?"

I agreed.

"Well you know him well enough by now to know what you're doing I suppose"

When I returned home, I cleaned, it was not my new therapy session anymore but it did help separate myself from the memory of the night before.

As part of his daily routine, Ashley turned up at 2.30pm for a cup of tea and asked if I wanted to go out for dinner that night, to which I wrongly agreed. The guy had that look in his eye that he was not one to be trusted and I should not be encouraging his lying by agreeing to socialise with him. Ashley had the same probing questions as usual such as where I had been and what I was doing and who with etc. This ritual became very tedious as it was none of his business, I never asked him such probing questions as I knew that it was none of my business, that and not of interest to me. He asked me how I was feeling regarding the Dave situation to which I responded

"I'm fine, what's the point on wasting time pondering over things?"

Ashley said

"It's OK to be upset"

So I dismissed his intentions, agreed and told him

"Yes I know, but I am comfortable not thinking about it and feel that it is best to deal with it in my own way"

to which Ashley spouted

"He's a fool for letting you slip"

Being one of those false/ LA LA Land comments, I disputed

"That's a matter of opinion and I am confident he does not feel the same way"

After Ashley had left, I started to think about why he says the things he said so far, they were all fairly acceptable things but the guy hardly knew me to be in a position to safely make these claims of feelings and as far as he was aware, I was hurting so it was obvious that the guy was taking advantage of the situation that he believed himself to be in as oppose to waiting to see if such things are to be within reach. With my opinion of Ashley in mind, I cancelled on joining him for dinner, Mr. Tac-Tic had decided he was to pretend to not be happy with my decision. Sure everyone is different but if he was a genuine friend who actually wanted to help and also be in my company then maybe he could have at least suggested coming over and staying with me?

Instead this oh-so-swarve man responded in a shockingly childish way;

"OK, enjoy your night with your boyfriend" 

I called to speak with him and explain that I was not a piece of meat ready for the taking, I had already spent the past year being exactly that, however despite wanting to reason, Ashley had sent his little angry Text message and switched his phone off, I let him be.

That was until the next day at 2.30pm when he turned up at my door with his tail between his legs and apologised

"I'm sorry, I got jealous when you cancelled and just saw red. I'm sorry"

The truth be told, I had spent the night in alone but I was not being carried by anyone despite taking him up on his offer and let him take me out for dinner in the first place, it would have been wrong and I would not have felt comfortable. There was no need for jealousy, but I guess that it was all part of a game.

"I am not being carried by anyone, it does not encourage people to stand on their own two feet and also what does that person do when they are no longer being carried? It's pathetic to rely on others, when you don't need to."

He looked shocked, clearly everyone else succumbed to it before me but despite is persistence, I was not willing to sacrifice my soul. He said

"So, if you were out and about with Dave and you saw something you liked, he would not buy it for you?"

He clearly thought that comparing himself to Dave, who he thought at this time was 'the bad guy', would separate them in my opinion of them both, but it was clear that Ashley used money and material things to buy people. I attempted to make myself clear

"No, nor would I expect him to when I can get it for myself"

He felt the need to explain himself further, he needed another notch on his bed post therefore I needed to take the bait.

"Let's say, someone has quite a bit of cash and it's no object to them, say their mother died and left them £100,000? can they not treat someone if they so wish?"

I was not at all fazed, I could tell he wanted me weak to him, but he was not selling himself to me when all he had to offer was money. The man clearly had no soul, no culture, no personality of his own, just money and I found that quite pathetic. I started to feel sorry for this short sighted creature.

"If they wish, but then it is up to the other person whether or not to accept it. Just cos a person has money, they do not rule the world nor those around them, everyone has a mind of their own"

He looked vacant, he was searching for other ways to sell himself but was clearly failing to do so, he had attempted the only thing that he could and that was money.

Later that week myself and Ashley had arranged to go out for dinner, I took cash with me just in case he attempted to try and buy me again. Ashley took me to some place out of town, some fairly decent restaurant. It was a calm elegant place, no marble walls, no platinum water feature spurting champagne instead of Evian. It was nice, albeit beige, complete with pathetic art on the walls but it was busy yet calm, the kind of place where the pretentious community flock so they can deem themselves 'down-to-Earth' or 'grounded' as though suggesting such claims does not contradict that in the first place. The tables were all set perfectly but we had to sit in the corner, out of the way. This was my first time in a restaurant with a gay man at a 'table for two' and I failed to see how other folk would see us as there are quite a few reasons as to why two men would be sat in a restaurant together, however, two men sat in the corner, away from everyone else suggests exactly what it was...sleazy.

After we ordered from our tiny corner, Ashley found the need to confide in me over irrelevant matters that were none of my business

"I need to tell you something, I have never felt like this about anyone and I feel I be honest with you.

I won the lottery about five years ago, I won about £750,000. I do not work, I am a volunteer for the disabled"

It was the gay equivalent to when straight men claim to have a sensitive side with the usual case of the close relationship with their mothers or being a good father figure. I saw through the claim the moment it left his lips and it was quite ignorant how gullible he thought I was to the point that he was just as gullible for believing his perception of me. So trying to find some inspiration in his attempt to sell himself to me, I humoured him

"So have you invested some of your money or has it just been taken for granted?"

to which he responded,

"yes, I let out my parents old house"

so then I changed the subject, not completely, I wanted to see if the guy actually had a soul once upon a time and asked

"Why did you give up work?"

To which he responded

"I took early retirement"

as the guy left me to believe that he gave up work just so he could rub his hands together, I stopped showing an interest.

At the end of the meal, Ashley suggested asking for the bill, then he would go to get something out of the car as I went to the toilet where I would climb out of the window and jump in the car and we would leave without paying. However being a lot easier said than done, not realising if he was being serious and on top of everything else not wanting to risk being left to face the consequences of being caught, I said

"No! You're bullshitting aren't you?! I can pay if you like"

not wanting to be the 'little woman' Ashley became all defencive as though he had something to prove and therefore insisted on paying every penny.

After dinner, we ventured back to my place. I had no intention of sleeping with him that night based on what I had just witnessed of his behaviour and the need to sell himself to me in such a cheap way. As we pulled up at my place, Ashley insisted that he wanted to come in and at least have a moment alone with me, where he said he could hold me, I very stupidly agreed. However once inside, Ashley did only hug me, he gripped me so tight and I could feel that he wanted to go further, we could have done, we had before, so I do not know why he adopted all the soppy pretence. Just then he turned me around against the door, gripping my hands, sliding his fingers in between mine and sliding my hands up the door so that my arms were straight and then started to kiss my neck. Ashley then moved his arms down and his hands managed to find their way to unzip my trousers, he turned me around and then pushed me into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. I figured that I had suffered his banter over dinner so it was the least he could have done and I was in need of it.