The following week I had found myself becoming a regular visitor at the House of Beige. I had realised that I was probably not the only one. The House of Beige appeared to me as having one of those memberships similar to The National Trust, it was all good, we were all there for the common interest and that had nothing to do with the puddle shades showcased throughout this manor!
It was easy, relaxed with no pressure and as no one knew about my second lifestyle, it also felt quite liberating.
He had mentioned camping and I was warming to the idea, I had never even considered camping before and as it was with someone who had been plenty of times; it felt like a good idea.
The first weekend in June, we had arranged to do something, we had not yet decided what this something was but were thinking about it...
I was excited, I was really looking forward to spending time doing something that I never normally would. His ideas of things to do were not exactly out of the ordinary but they were things I had not taken the time to even consider doing. I am usually far too busy to go walking in the woods or go camping...the fact is everyone gets busy and he made it sound so casual that it felt uplifting.
I arrived at work excited that when I left, my weekend would begin...this was not going to be the case. I was asked to work the next day and I was not in a position to turn it down. I had sent him a text message to let him know, which I agree I should not have done, I should have waited until we were face to face. Te following time I looked at my phone, he had replied:
It was nice that he was suggesting that he did not want me to fuck off, but it was a bit of a stupid way of saying it, at that time of knowing someone for only a month!
I responded:
It was easy, relaxed with no pressure and as no one knew about my second lifestyle, it also felt quite liberating.
He had mentioned camping and I was warming to the idea, I had never even considered camping before and as it was with someone who had been plenty of times; it felt like a good idea.
The first weekend in June, we had arranged to do something, we had not yet decided what this something was but were thinking about it...
I was excited, I was really looking forward to spending time doing something that I never normally would. His ideas of things to do were not exactly out of the ordinary but they were things I had not taken the time to even consider doing. I am usually far too busy to go walking in the woods or go camping...the fact is everyone gets busy and he made it sound so casual that it felt uplifting.
I arrived at work excited that when I left, my weekend would begin...this was not going to be the case. I was asked to work the next day and I was not in a position to turn it down. I had sent him a text message to let him know, which I agree I should not have done, I should have waited until we were face to face. Te following time I looked at my phone, he had replied:
"How come you have to work?
I thought we had planned to do something?
if you didn't want to see why didn't you just say?"
I felt so guilty, he called me and accepted that it was already done and mentioned that I went over that night. We discussed it of course and arranged for me to go over after I had finished work. We had a Barbecue and one his friends, who he knew from being a past conquest, turned up and joined us, it would have been silly of me to think that because I had dented the weekend with working then the rest had to be scrapped also. However, it did seem like a possibility. His friend was very nice, pleasant, polite and did not let the fact that a 25 year old was standing in the room. He asked me questions about education and work and seemed to listen to what I was saying. I did feel somewhat paranoid about what I said as they have done it all anyway so it was kind of old news for them but they seemed to listen which felt more like they were trying to figure me out.
We had a good evening, for desert we had BBQ'ed bananas, this was looked upon as a crazy act by his friend, I was thinking of it as one of those 'first time for everything' moments and it turned out to be quite tasty...with Vanilla yogurt.
They sat and spoke about holidays and stuff they were doing in their group of friends and spoke of other friends...I was sat in the corner; to be seen and not heard with a bottle of beer.
I did think that maybe the friend could have waited until another time i.e. when I was not there but who was I to mention such a thing.
A couple of nights after. Myself and Dave had arranged to meet around his. He had been out with his ex-girlfriend Sally and for some reason wanted me to meet her. He was clearly drunk, about two weeks of sleeping together and Mr. Unimportant (me) was being paraded around infront of the friends like an object, I was more than an object..I considered myself, at least, a toy. I was being asked to join them in the pub they wre sat in. After thinking we would be meeting earlier and keeping my evening free, just to be sat around doing nothing but waiting, I figured why not? So I got my stuff together when I received a phone call. There was two drunk people down the other end asking me where I was and if I was going to meet them, I said yes and then was about explian myself when a woman came onto the phone...
The next morning, he told me he was going on holiday in two weeks...for two weeks, I thought nothing of it but we did make the odd joke about me pining away, which was laughed off, despite his tone suggesting that is what he believed.
We had a good evening, for desert we had BBQ'ed bananas, this was looked upon as a crazy act by his friend, I was thinking of it as one of those 'first time for everything' moments and it turned out to be quite tasty...with Vanilla yogurt.
They sat and spoke about holidays and stuff they were doing in their group of friends and spoke of other friends...I was sat in the corner; to be seen and not heard with a bottle of beer.
I did think that maybe the friend could have waited until another time i.e. when I was not there but who was I to mention such a thing.
A couple of nights after. Myself and Dave had arranged to meet around his. He had been out with his ex-girlfriend Sally and for some reason wanted me to meet her. He was clearly drunk, about two weeks of sleeping together and Mr. Unimportant (me) was being paraded around infront of the friends like an object, I was more than an object..I considered myself, at least, a toy. I was being asked to join them in the pub they wre sat in. After thinking we would be meeting earlier and keeping my evening free, just to be sat around doing nothing but waiting, I figured why not? So I got my stuff together when I received a phone call. There was two drunk people down the other end asking me where I was and if I was going to meet them, I said yes and then was about explian myself when a woman came onto the phone...
"Hi I'm Sally, I've heard quite a bit about you. Are you joining us for a drink?"
"Yes?"
I replied. I figured if I humored them it would stop more questions. The truth is I wanted to go, I was putting stuff together as I spoke to both of them but I was unsure whether to meet any of his friends in case I was not what they wanted him to have in an aquaintance plus I did not know how he had introduced my existance and also... I did not quite know of the pub they was in.
It did not take me long to pack my stuff and leave when he text telling me he was already home. I got myself a taxi instead as I did not want to walk the whole journey with him waiting.
He was already in bed when I arrived, the room did have a slight alcohol smell to it but he was not uncontrollably drunk. Turns out it was something like a three pints maximum to make him anyone's.
He was already in bed when I arrived, the room did have a slight alcohol smell to it but he was not uncontrollably drunk. Turns out it was something like a three pints maximum to make him anyone's.
The next morning, he told me he was going on holiday in two weeks...for two weeks, I thought nothing of it but we did make the odd joke about me pining away, which was laughed off, despite his tone suggesting that is what he believed.
I did not really think much it, the truth is I had not really thought much of him as anything other than a 'fuck buddy' but I had not slept with anyone else within that month of knowing him. I had to question myself...what the hell am I doing?
I do not know the guy, yes he can be quite nice to be in the company of but it is nothing serious...it's just sex! I was becoming confused of my own doing.
Later that week we lay joking about silly things such as my hair style, we poked fun at each other. It was light hearted, although he took himself too seriously and therefore it would not take much for hm to get offended. That aside though, somehow the topic changed to gay lifestyle, I may have suggested that I was fond of him and had not been sleeping with anyone since we got together, which at that point had been about a month...not very long! He suggested that it was just a bit of fun, which was fine with me but I was only telling the truth but it was good to know whwer I stood without long conversations of love and life possibly resulting in not seeing him again. Which led me to think that maybe I should get myself out there more to take whatever edge that was there...off!
When I arrived home that next morning, mortified, I tried not to think about it... but it was all I could think about. Why had I exposed myself like that. Fair enough I had not gone around there claiming my undying love for him as if we were Romeo and Juliet, but it was far too much than I was willing to bare. I text him, I thought if I start acting casual again then everything will be reset, I asked him how his day was, I got nothing. Then about an hour later he replied
"If we are still together in 6 months, would you like to live with me?"
It was nice that he was suggesting that he did not want me to fuck off, but it was a bit of a stupid way of saying it, at that time of knowing someone for only a month!
I responded:
"ask me again in 6 months"
my response was in keeping with his approach, yet suggested that I will still be around in that time should he ask again.
I did not hear from him for the rest of the day, I did get worried so I waitied until the next day to speak to him. Apparently he did mean it but it was far too soon to know about that let alone ask!
We pushed it aside and carried on. I did wonder why introduce me to his friends, why invite me around nearly every night and did he even mean any of it?
I realised that I needed to push it all aside and just carry on as normal until further notice.
