As time drew on, I was getting no closer to any form of a conclusion. Anything I said or disputed was always treated with something that always failed to be a straight answer, anything I said in the way of my feelings was just agreed with, which then, without fail, soon became a contradiction and also not defined and then catch him in the wrong mood and it was all thrown back in my face as playing "mind games". It was beginning to look as though he was the one playing games.
Dave was nearly ready to set sail (by plane) for yet another holiday with the guy who I had recently met after he had stayed on Dave's sofa. I had a few problems at work which I was managing to keep on top of but was stopped in my tracks as now someone was jetting off attempting 'the life of Riley' again, I had my friends but beside not having his advice, I was not going to have his company; his face, his laugh whenever I said something silly, his scent, his body to grab onto in bed among other things. The truth is I had managed before but as I was dealing with occupational difficulties, I really wanted him close by. I had to check myself...that kind of thinking is for relationships, which is where the reality crept in, I knew my feelings for him and the urge I had for him but all that could be taken away without him having to think twice or consider how I felt, should I make it clear.
As what felt like his billionth holiday of the year was drawing closer, I had been fortunate enough to find myself another job, one of my previous managers, named Andy, had offered me a job working for him again as he knew my values and the way I am able to work...I did not even need an interview.
On the first day of starting my new job, everything felt as daunting as everything usually does on your first day, I did not have much dealing with Andy as I was left with all the people below him so it was pretty much like starting a whole new job with new people. Everything was new, everything was different, I had not been a fan of my previous job for some time but with the job market being the way it was, finding another job proved difficult despite my efforts to change things.
I felt alone, Dave had gone on holiday the day I started and I had no one really to talk to about it, at least with someone who knew the whole situation at the time, had he of even listened.
I decided I was not staying and needed to get out of this job also, so I went back to speak to one of the other managers and they said they would let me know what they could do, in the meantime, I had to sit tight and carry on with where I was until I got the green light. I think I managed to keep a brave face but on top of everything, I was missing Dave and the whole time was not very nice. I was counting down the days to his return.
The following week, I was invited into my old place of work to speak on my return. I had been offered a promotion and would start back in two weeks. Worried about my switching back and forth, I text Dave telling him
I was shocked to receive a quick response as my experience had me thinking that I would not hear from him until the next day and that would only be a response to whether or not he was having a nice holiday, the rest would just go ignored.
We conversed about his holiday and ventured upstairs, it was playing into his hands but we were both horny.
We had sex on his stairs, we could not make it to the bedroom. We started kissing in the kitchen then spoke of the intention of moving to the bedroom, then just as we walked up the stairs, I turned around towards him, flung open his belt to reach for his cock and he then turned me around, tugged open my trousers, bent me over and rimmed me. His tongue was rapid and managed to cover everywhere it needed; very quick but definitely working the area as he flicked the outside and darted his tongue in and out of my ass. I turned around as he pulled away and watched as he spat on his cock, he looked at me with a firm expression on his face as he inserted his cock inside me, as he started to thrust the pleasure was written across his face, I turned back around and rested my face on the step and indulged. He whipped his member out and we moved to the bedroom where he took me bent over the bed.
After climax, we lay talking about his holiday, which led to him telling me about him nearly being setting up with someone who his friends thought looked just like him. I was shown a photo of the 2nd Dave, he was clearly younger and did look similar but not identical. For Dave to have slept with someone who looked like himself would not have proved shocking to me, as it would have been seen as some sort of mindless achievement, one reason being a sub conscious vain act and the other just in case some one ever told him to go 'fuck himself', the same concept as sleep with a pregnant woman or a friend's mother or sleeping with a dwarf, so I asked:
I did not believe him, how could I? I had been put in such a confusing position with him so what was I supposed to think? If he had not slept with the so called lookalike then he did sleep with some else if not as well as then instead of.
That night I received a message saying that
Now clearly this was a joke, but I had thought we were over the whole relationship lingo and was just respecting each other's existence, the talk of meeting parents is surely for those who know where they stand with another?
In the hope that I was not being 'led up the garden path' blindfolded, I stuck around.
Dave was nearly ready to set sail (by plane) for yet another holiday with the guy who I had recently met after he had stayed on Dave's sofa. I had a few problems at work which I was managing to keep on top of but was stopped in my tracks as now someone was jetting off attempting 'the life of Riley' again, I had my friends but beside not having his advice, I was not going to have his company; his face, his laugh whenever I said something silly, his scent, his body to grab onto in bed among other things. The truth is I had managed before but as I was dealing with occupational difficulties, I really wanted him close by. I had to check myself...that kind of thinking is for relationships, which is where the reality crept in, I knew my feelings for him and the urge I had for him but all that could be taken away without him having to think twice or consider how I felt, should I make it clear.
As what felt like his billionth holiday of the year was drawing closer, I had been fortunate enough to find myself another job, one of my previous managers, named Andy, had offered me a job working for him again as he knew my values and the way I am able to work...I did not even need an interview.
On the first day of starting my new job, everything felt as daunting as everything usually does on your first day, I did not have much dealing with Andy as I was left with all the people below him so it was pretty much like starting a whole new job with new people. Everything was new, everything was different, I had not been a fan of my previous job for some time but with the job market being the way it was, finding another job proved difficult despite my efforts to change things.
I felt alone, Dave had gone on holiday the day I started and I had no one really to talk to about it, at least with someone who knew the whole situation at the time, had he of even listened.
I decided I was not staying and needed to get out of this job also, so I went back to speak to one of the other managers and they said they would let me know what they could do, in the meantime, I had to sit tight and carry on with where I was until I got the green light. I think I managed to keep a brave face but on top of everything, I was missing Dave and the whole time was not very nice. I was counting down the days to his return.
The following week, I was invited into my old place of work to speak on my return. I had been offered a promotion and would start back in two weeks. Worried about my switching back and forth, I text Dave telling him
"I am sorted with my old job, will talk to you when you get back. I'm just worried I will look unreliable, possibly even scared. I think I may love you and I don't want all this to fall through. I know I'm being dramatic. Anyway are you having a nice time?"
"That's the nicest thing I think you have ever said to me. You need to realise that you are very special to me and I don't want you to go anywhere"
I did read between the lines and wonder that due to the depressing time I was having, he had decided that the content of his message was polite but then I put my cynical hat back in it's box and just let the message be...deleted.
On the day Dave returned, I had a text message telling me he was home and that I could see him on my lunch break...When I arrived, Dave looked fresh, relaxed and tanned, all complete with a beige shirt...this beige was acceptable as he looked delectable!We conversed about his holiday and ventured upstairs, it was playing into his hands but we were both horny.
We had sex on his stairs, we could not make it to the bedroom. We started kissing in the kitchen then spoke of the intention of moving to the bedroom, then just as we walked up the stairs, I turned around towards him, flung open his belt to reach for his cock and he then turned me around, tugged open my trousers, bent me over and rimmed me. His tongue was rapid and managed to cover everywhere it needed; very quick but definitely working the area as he flicked the outside and darted his tongue in and out of my ass. I turned around as he pulled away and watched as he spat on his cock, he looked at me with a firm expression on his face as he inserted his cock inside me, as he started to thrust the pleasure was written across his face, I turned back around and rested my face on the step and indulged. He whipped his member out and we moved to the bedroom where he took me bent over the bed.
After climax, we lay talking about his holiday, which led to him telling me about him nearly being setting up with someone who his friends thought looked just like him. I was shown a photo of the 2nd Dave, he was clearly younger and did look similar but not identical. For Dave to have slept with someone who looked like himself would not have proved shocking to me, as it would have been seen as some sort of mindless achievement, one reason being a sub conscious vain act and the other just in case some one ever told him to go 'fuck himself', the same concept as sleep with a pregnant woman or a friend's mother or sleeping with a dwarf, so I asked:
"Did you sleep with him?"
his response was
"No, I had the opportunity to sleep with some one but I didn't"
I did not believe him, how could I? I had been put in such a confusing position with him so what was I supposed to think? If he had not slept with the so called lookalike then he did sleep with some else if not as well as then instead of.
I changed the subject slightly... and we got talking, again, about what was going on, we went around in the same circles but this time I derailed by asking
"do you really think I would just leave? I would consult those closest to me and see what the options are"
My response to this was not what I had predicted.
"Yes that is fair enough but I want someone who is sorted in life. I don't want to carry anyone"
I was mortified. I had made the odd joke about him and his friends being pretentious but I did not one hundred percent firmly believe they were all judging me by what I earned. I realised I had mentioned money awhile ago but I felt I had explained myself with what I actually meant. The truth be told, I was not interested in the guy's money at all, yes I was intrigued by what jobs he had done and how he had earned whatever money he had as well as certain investments he spoke of but but he is only going to tell me what he feels comfortable with and I had no intention of being nosy and finding out more as that was not what I was interested in. I could feel my emotions taking over, kind of how I imagine something toxic such as Poison or Heroin when it gets into the blood stream I managed to pluck up enough courage to utter the words
"when have I ever asked you for a penny?"
it was a serious enough question that I wanted him to answer but all I got was
"Don't get upset"
which of course is easier said than done when a cynical joke is actually proved a reality of someone you thought actually had a soul.
After falling weak to the curse of emotions, I apologised, then left and made my way back to work. I did get a holiday present though which probably something he bought for himself without thinking and decided to give it to me on a whim. Either way it is the thought that counts I suppose.That night I received a message saying that
"I didn't mean to upset you"
this may have been true but whether or not he intended to upset me, without a doubt, he definitely did not care that he did.
That night I pondered about the way it was all unravelling, I had, had a pathetic couple of weeks which he was kept informed of, yet some how he had, yet again, managed to make me feel more worthless than I already felt. I wanted to walk away, it would have been easier if we had both ended whatever it is there and then as this would have been the perfect time to say that there was never going to be any future, but the mind was overruled and that did not become the case.
The next week, I had helped Dave drop some junk off at the tip and we stopped off at mine for some food as my mother had dropped by during the week with an abundance of goods, we threw some stuff together and came up with the sophisticated cuisine of oven chips with chicken in a white wine sauce, it was there for emergencies and as I had not yet been shopping, therefore it had to do. As I did the cooking, Dave sat and relaxed, then he started to walk around and look and my DVDs which some he had seen but not all together. As he looked, he broke wind, I have never understood this phrase for the bodily function but it is what people say, as the noise was made; I turned and looked straight at him, partly in disgust and also in shock. Dave looked like he wanted to laugh at this act of intoxication and said
"If I ever meet your parents, you will have to warn me not to do it in their company"
I did not know what was going on, to me actions speak louder than words and so far most of what I was witnessing was just words, some things but not much, was portrayed with and in actions. All I could do was go along with what I knew and that was the ride, I just wanted to find out where I stood, my feelings were too strong to walk away but I was not going to let my emotions get the better of me.
In the name of research, I did wonder; What lies ahead? In the hope that I was not being 'led up the garden path' blindfolded, I stuck around.
