The next morning myself and Liam awoke with mild Boxing Day hangovers, we had a Sex and the City marathon and then Liam went home. Ashley ventured over for coffee and to catch up on the day before. Ashley had started coming over a bit strange; he said he was seeing someone but it was painful for him to think of me with Dave, his eyes started to flood up and his voice became shaky, it was quite the performance, but with everything going on with Dave Could not deal with it right now.
Ashley was seeing a bunch of 20 year olds which he liked to brag about and also throw his money at so I made myself aware of the playboy life he liked to think he led. Which made me able to let everything go in one ear and out the other.
That night, I went back to Dave's house where I had to recite Christmas for the fourth time in 24 hours, it was made better by a different rendition i.e his version of Christmas, which apparently was spent talking about soaps.
Myself and Dave spent the day together watching films, Christmas television and drinking wine, it was as though Boxing Day made up for Christmas, I stayed over and it seemed to turn Christmas right around for me.
The day after Boxing Day, Dave was going for lunch with a few friends. He asked me if I wanted to go and I agreed. I was quite nervous as I had obviously met two of them but apparently I had "not met everyone". Dave picked me up and we went back to his house to wait for his other friends to turn up. When we arrived back home, to wait, Dave bent me over the breakfast stool and took me from behind, I was quite nervous in case friend turned up, which emphasised the rush.
When Dave's other friend Leonard arrived, we grabbed our stuff and left. We met the others at the location. The destination was a tiny little old pub on the outside yet on the inside looked very much like an extended, more accommodating version of a grandmother's living room. I was introduced to the extra friend, who I had not yet met, he said he had heard a lot about me, a phrase I seemed to keep hearing. I wondered: why was he so intrigued? what had he been told? He had this glare, he would constantly unashamedly glare every so often, usually whenever Dave was talking or being spoken to as if he waited for his attention to go else where. I tried not to think too much into it and I smiled politely and looked away, I should have just said that it was OK to stare as Dave is sleeping with a bunch of twinks anyway, but that would have been too much of a public display, even in Granny's living room!
I sat and I answered all the questions they kept firing, the same old questions that I had heard so much of that I think I was being asked them again by the same people and if no one is going to listen the first time, they sure as hell was not going to take it in now. I watched them talk, talk about how fast the year had flown by and what they want to do with the next year, it was a decent conversation but surely they should have done everything by now? Either way I was not to be included in the conversation.
After playing invisible yet again while the 'big guys' spoke of spending their so called wealth, they arranged to all meet at another pub nearer to Dave's house, it made perfect sense as Leonard was staying at Dave's house. So Dave dropped me off at mine and went off on his way to guzzle with his gays.
When I got in, I wondered, what has he been telling these people? why are they so intrigued one minute and then shutting me off the next? Dave's actions did not showcase any devotion or attraction so why was everyone coming across so excited? were they being polite? Is it a vital part of being up your own arse to be fake?
I know plenty of people that are of a pretentious nature and are actually quite horrible to others around them. I put it down to them being polite.
Me and Dave did not really see each other until the Friday (New Year's Eve) after our mini break argument and meeting the past conquests I had clearly been given a bad review, but only bad enough to want me as a seat filler i.e. when the more important ones could not service Dave. So When we met on that Friday daytime, it was nice. We had a coffee, lunch and dinner as well as the metaphorical desert that is also known as horizontal jogging...sex. Things just seemed to fit into place, on that day, I thought for a second that maybe the so called differences were not that big of a deal but for all my so-called sins, I remained sceptical.
Myself and Dave did not see the new year in with each other, it would have been nice but he had other arrangements with planning a murder mystery game at his house. It had nothing to do with me so I did not impose.
The next day, New Year's Day, I was invited around to Dave's house. We went for a meal at a pub nearby where we both enjoyed a very filling burger. Dave asked me if I wanted to spend the night with him, so I did and also spent the next night following after that. It was nice, despite everything that had happened so far, it felt very intimate, but I knew we were no closer, we lay in bed, made breakfast and spent the day together and the sex was spontaneous as well as passionate even through the toast making, my loins were burning.
I stayed through to the Sunday night. We woke on the Monday morning, wrapped up together. Dave turned me over and held me down, as I surrendered he kept mentioning what he was doing as he did it. Dave said twice how he was taking my "briefs" down, however they were trunks. He did his business in his own time, which as usual meant that I was not allowed to reach my peak and then we went on to plan our day. Dave had not wanted to use any protection, but after a very off putting talk, we did. I told Dave shortly after that he had no right to demand that we do not use protection. If we were not together then he was seeing other people...why would he not be? so therefore as we do not know what the other is getting up to, we then need to use something. For his own sake as well as mine. Dave's response to this was
It did not sink in, he carried on manipulating it
Ashley was seeing a bunch of 20 year olds which he liked to brag about and also throw his money at so I made myself aware of the playboy life he liked to think he led. Which made me able to let everything go in one ear and out the other.
That night, I went back to Dave's house where I had to recite Christmas for the fourth time in 24 hours, it was made better by a different rendition i.e his version of Christmas, which apparently was spent talking about soaps.
Myself and Dave spent the day together watching films, Christmas television and drinking wine, it was as though Boxing Day made up for Christmas, I stayed over and it seemed to turn Christmas right around for me.
The day after Boxing Day, Dave was going for lunch with a few friends. He asked me if I wanted to go and I agreed. I was quite nervous as I had obviously met two of them but apparently I had "not met everyone". Dave picked me up and we went back to his house to wait for his other friends to turn up. When we arrived back home, to wait, Dave bent me over the breakfast stool and took me from behind, I was quite nervous in case friend turned up, which emphasised the rush.
When Dave's other friend Leonard arrived, we grabbed our stuff and left. We met the others at the location. The destination was a tiny little old pub on the outside yet on the inside looked very much like an extended, more accommodating version of a grandmother's living room. I was introduced to the extra friend, who I had not yet met, he said he had heard a lot about me, a phrase I seemed to keep hearing. I wondered: why was he so intrigued? what had he been told? He had this glare, he would constantly unashamedly glare every so often, usually whenever Dave was talking or being spoken to as if he waited for his attention to go else where. I tried not to think too much into it and I smiled politely and looked away, I should have just said that it was OK to stare as Dave is sleeping with a bunch of twinks anyway, but that would have been too much of a public display, even in Granny's living room!
I sat and I answered all the questions they kept firing, the same old questions that I had heard so much of that I think I was being asked them again by the same people and if no one is going to listen the first time, they sure as hell was not going to take it in now. I watched them talk, talk about how fast the year had flown by and what they want to do with the next year, it was a decent conversation but surely they should have done everything by now? Either way I was not to be included in the conversation.
After playing invisible yet again while the 'big guys' spoke of spending their so called wealth, they arranged to all meet at another pub nearer to Dave's house, it made perfect sense as Leonard was staying at Dave's house. So Dave dropped me off at mine and went off on his way to guzzle with his gays.
When I got in, I wondered, what has he been telling these people? why are they so intrigued one minute and then shutting me off the next? Dave's actions did not showcase any devotion or attraction so why was everyone coming across so excited? were they being polite? Is it a vital part of being up your own arse to be fake?
I know plenty of people that are of a pretentious nature and are actually quite horrible to others around them. I put it down to them being polite.
Me and Dave did not really see each other until the Friday (New Year's Eve) after our mini break argument and meeting the past conquests I had clearly been given a bad review, but only bad enough to want me as a seat filler i.e. when the more important ones could not service Dave. So When we met on that Friday daytime, it was nice. We had a coffee, lunch and dinner as well as the metaphorical desert that is also known as horizontal jogging...sex. Things just seemed to fit into place, on that day, I thought for a second that maybe the so called differences were not that big of a deal but for all my so-called sins, I remained sceptical.
Myself and Dave did not see the new year in with each other, it would have been nice but he had other arrangements with planning a murder mystery game at his house. It had nothing to do with me so I did not impose.
The next day, New Year's Day, I was invited around to Dave's house. We went for a meal at a pub nearby where we both enjoyed a very filling burger. Dave asked me if I wanted to spend the night with him, so I did and also spent the next night following after that. It was nice, despite everything that had happened so far, it felt very intimate, but I knew we were no closer, we lay in bed, made breakfast and spent the day together and the sex was spontaneous as well as passionate even through the toast making, my loins were burning.
I stayed through to the Sunday night. We woke on the Monday morning, wrapped up together. Dave turned me over and held me down, as I surrendered he kept mentioning what he was doing as he did it. Dave said twice how he was taking my "briefs" down, however they were trunks. He did his business in his own time, which as usual meant that I was not allowed to reach my peak and then we went on to plan our day. Dave had not wanted to use any protection, but after a very off putting talk, we did. I told Dave shortly after that he had no right to demand that we do not use protection. If we were not together then he was seeing other people...why would he not be? so therefore as we do not know what the other is getting up to, we then need to use something. For his own sake as well as mine. Dave's response to this was
"but I'm not seeing anyone else"
to which I responded
"seeing or sleeping?"
Dave did not yet know that i had gone out of my way to prove to myself that he was lying
"...well, neither"
he said. I had to explain
"We can sit here and say to each other that we are not sleeping with anyone else, but we don't know what the other is getting up to when left to their own devices. Therefore, I think we need to protect ourselves"
It did not sink in, he carried on manipulating it
"Are YOU sleeping with anyone else"
I said... "No, but then it is just as easy to say, even if I was and you wouldn't know"
the manipulation had set up camp; Dave responded
"I choose to believe you"
I accepted that he was trying to act all sweet about it so I melted but what with the news of my friend Liam, I could not give in and sacrifice myself. So I attempted to put my foot down with a bottom line...
"We can go around in circles saying all this but we don't know what each other is doing, so we do need to use something, we are on profile sites and you are constantly on there so you cant have it both ways"
Dave lay there in silence for nearly a minute before changing the subject.
"So what do you to do today?"
As we lay 'planning' the day consisted of sight seeing, we were to go on a walk before our meal and then home to spend the evening together. We got up and ready but I had not brought any walking shoes, so we headed back to mine first.
When we got there, Dave walked into my bedroom and spun around as I changed my footwear.
"What's this?"
...Dave asked from the other room,
"what's what?"
...I asked as I walked through to Dave pointing at a condom wrapper on the floor. I have never been a good liar and there was nothing to actually lie about however I did panic as I spoke in case it came across as lying, it was an old wrapper and could been from my bathroom bin, which I rarely empty or from my bag when I have taken protection to Dave's but despite my innocence in the matter I still found myself saying...
"You never heard of Posh Wank?"
It was the worst excuse, I could have told the truth, either way despite all Dave's lying, I had now been made to look like the guilty party
Dave responded...
"yes, but I don't see why people do it"
and neither could I, yet for some reason it just flew out of my mouth. I used it as an example, saying how it looks and that we can never know what the other is getting up to,. Dave agreed.
As we walked to the car, Dave kept grilling me, it looked as though he was using the opportunity as an escape. I answered all his questions truthfully and as he could not seek his freedom there and catch me out, he said
"I don't want to see you if you are seeing other people, you think this is a grown up relationship, it's not. I've not been happy for a while"
I had stopped entertaining the idea of a relationship a while ago and it was perfectly clear he was never happy but finally, the words from his lips, it was hurting as I knew that this was now it but I had it from the horses mouth.
Dave stopped the car, he brought up all our differences again, just like he did when it was my birthday and so I said
"Do you want me to go?"
to which Dave responded
"Do what you want"
and just as Dave carried on ranting about how insignificant I was, I interrupted
"OK, I'm going to go"
I got out of the car and walked away, I did not look back as I did not want to linger on that last image. as soon as I was out of sight I received a text from Dave asking if we could still be friends. I asked him to leave me alone. I walked home devastated of course but there was a part of me that felt relief, for so long I had tried to get an answer out of him even when it was crystal clear and all this time I was beeing fed lies. I went home and cleaned my flat top to bottom, it hurt, but right now I need to not let the pain cunsume me.
I may not have been completely in the know with what was going on but at least now I finally had my answer.
